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This pronouncement made me feel more secure, but I shouldn't have ignored my nagging intuition that something was seriously wrong.
After all, what man wouldn't jump into bed with his fiancé.
We obviously still had feelings for each other, and without explaining why he'd split up with me, Chris declared, "If we're going to be together, let's make it official: Will you marry me? I also had a stubborn streak, which I practiced as a child and maintained throughout our marriage. I wanted to show Chris that I would stick with him through everything.
I didn't believe in premarital sex, but once we were engaged I went on the Pill and told Chris I thought we should make love.
I was also pleased that we had a similar religious upbringing.
"I don't know how this could have happened," he stammered. But I kept quiet and thought, I've held up as long as I could. Both of us grew up in the small-town South, and Chris was in the military.When I saw the movie, I started to cry as I watched Ennis, the young cowboy played by Heath Ledger, wed his sweetheart even though he'd been involved with another man. D., estimated that between 1.5 million and 2.9 million American women who have ever been married had a husband who had had sex with another man.That means there are a large number of women who have no idea what their husband does in secret."I haven't done anything wrong." Instead of arguing about how I felt or figuring out how I wanted to handle the larger issue, I focused on what I needed at that moment — to take medicine and get healthy — much as I had throughout our rocky marriage.It took a few more days of wrenching confrontation for our marriage to disintegrate.
Yet I finally understood that our entire married life, except for our children, whom we both loved completely, was built on a falsehood.