Online dating when to have the talk
If you're like me, you'd be insulted, turned off, and ready to swipe left on Tinder. Men need to be held accountable for their own behavior, and if women aren't putting out till Date #10 for the sole reason that a dating coach told them 10 is the magic number, or if they're assiduously avoiding the topic of sex, or if they're afraid to show up to dinner in a clingy blouse because it will signal to their date that they're "only good for one thing," then men don't have to own their choices. Bad things happen when adults aren't up front about their sexual and relationship intentions.
Because women are essentially telling them they can't. Women may pretend to be less sexual than they are for fear of not being taken seriously.
So you're a single midlife woman and you care about sex? And no, I'm not just talking about women who are looking for casual fun, although that's a perfectly acceptable choice.
I'm talking about sexually charged woman who believes that good sex is a vital component of a romantic relationship and doesn't want to settle for anything less.
If they telegraphed their distrust of all women and kept you guessing whether or not they were truly interested? It's not a woman's job to police a man's sexual behavior. Telling a woman that she has to present some sanitized version of femininity in order to find a healthy relationship is like telling her she shouldn't wear short skirts if she doesn't want to be raped.The danger with conventional dating advice -- or any black-and-white perspective on love and sex -- is that it makes women second-guess themselves and believe there's only one right way to be. Pick one thing on his profile and make fun of him for it.Since I've become intentionally sexually transparent in my dating profile, I haven't met any douchebags. Men like my profile because they know where they stand. My marriage ended for many reasons, but sexual incompatibility was at the top of the list. If you want to write a sexually transparent profile, go for it.The last thing I want, at 51, is another relationship in which I can't be myself sexually -- or to spend time with someone hoping that the sex will get better, then being disappointed when it doesn't. If a grown man is going to lose respect for me because I'm transparent about sex, then he isn't someone I want to be with anyway. The guy (or guys) you're meant to be with will appreciate it and you don't need to be concerned about the other ones anyway.
My opinion about sexual transparency is practically heresy in the heterosexual dating advice world, where women are routinely admonished for letting it be known that they like sex.